Life in the Fish Bowl


Letters in the Style of That Chick

Dear Blue Momma,

Quit whining like a little bitch because your mouth hurts. You are the one who didn't put your retainer in for over a week. Put on your big girl panties and deal.


PS. Forget that big girl panty stuff. I realize that is all you own anyway.

Dear Stupid Old Bitch Who Shouldn't Have A Drivers License,

Right after you look to your right before pulling out into the street? It would be really smart if you also looked to your left. I know I don't drive a big, humongous SUV, but I'll still fuck you up if I run into you. Plus if you make me wreck with my baby in the car and you do manage to survive? I'll kill you with my bare hands shortly thereafter.

Heifer You Tried To Run Into This Morning

Dear Everyone,

Life is too short. Give peace a chance and shit like that.

Most sincerely,
Mellow Momma

Dearest Tabby,

I love you as much as a girl can love a cat. You rock my world. However, it is really hard for me to type with a 15 pound cat laying on my wrist. Please move and while you are up go tell Pretty Girl to clean her ass. It is looking pretty ripe.

Your Mom

My Sweet Girl,

I love you more than salsa and chips. Your little smile makes me melt and forget that I haven't slept a whole night in a bed for the past five months. I don't even mind when your diapers singe my nose hairs and make my toes turn inside out.

Oh, yeah. And when you chew on your toes? It may just be the cutest thing I've seen.

I Love You,
The Luckiest Momma on Earth

My Sweet Boy,

You make your Momma so proud. The only thing that would make me prouder would be if you'd put your dirty clothes in the laundry room when you take them off.

Love you bunches,
Your Momma

PS. If you could actually deposit the pee IN the toilet vs. all around it? That would be way cool, too. XOXO


Heather said...

ha ha, do you have a little stripper in you house too? I feel like spend a good 50% of my day following my eldest around picking up discarded clothes and yelling for her to please at least put some trousers on.

Yankee Belle said...

Im annoyed I didnt get a personal one. I will work harder on that.

Anonymous said...

I love that your back! The first crabby post was a LOL moment (and I don't usually write LOL :) This one, just as good.