Life in the Fish Bowl


Knowledge is a Good Thing - Or So They Say

I asked TB last night what bad words he knew.  He said he only knew two:

Oh my God


Stupid Asshole.

Can't imagine where he heard either of those from. 

I know it won't win me any mom of the year awards, but I find that absolutely hilarious.  If we can keep his bad word vocabulary at OMG and stupid asshole I would feel I was a great success. 

Now if he had said stupid fucking asshole, now that would have been a different story....


I'm Too Old For Shit Like This

So last night I met some  skank whores friends for dinner and a couple of movies afterwards. Yes, my friends, I went to see the premier of the new Twilight movie. I read the books - they were good.  I saw the first movie.  While not award winning cinema, I am no movie snob and thought it was a good movie.  Why would you brave the opening night, midnight movie  hysteria if you aren't a retard twitard? To hang out with my good friends.

Now to  ,the crux of the matter here.  We met for dinner and drinks at 6:30.  I met L a little before six because we both had to pick up our tickets. The rest those bitches my friends came shortly there after and we enjoyed a nice dinner.  Then we headed to the theater, where we had been told to arrive an hour early due to the crowds.

Crowds? The were none - at least when we got there. A few of those losers I was hanging out with my friends made a liquor store run - yes, YB but a loose six pack of bottled beer in my diaper bag!!!! - and then the movie started.

We saw the first Twilight movie at 9pm.  It was over at 11pm so we had an hour to kill until the next one started.  Everyone talked shit conversed until 12 and the time went by fairly quickly.  If you forget the fact that it was 100 degrees in the theater everything was great. 

Finally the movie starts and by this time I am so fucking sleepy.  I tell L to wake me up if I fall asleep and start watching the movie.  All I can say is, well, it is a movie.  A bit into the movie I am even more sleepy and my contacts are bothering me so I decide to close my eyes and just listen for a minute.

Next thing I know I am waking up.  K is giggling that I was asleep and I started snoring and Kimtastic took a picutre and hahahahahahah.  Can you say Let's Cut A Bitch?

I asked L why she didn't wake me up and she said, well, I looked so peaceful and I was quiet.  I pointed out that the time to wake me up was BEFORE I started snoring, not after.  It seems I was sleeping quietly even thought K was poking me and at some point snorted/snored/fucking something and then went back to being quiet.  Of course this was during a quiet part in the movie and the whole theater heard it.

I can only say that I wasn't too embarrassed because I was sleeping and not awake to do any thing, like, say ---cut some bitches, but that those skank ho's will get theirs!!!!

All in all, though, it was a good night with formerly supposed
good friends, though my ass is most definitely too old for that late of a night.  Next time I'm out after dinner or at least by the end of the first movie.

Of course this morning I had forgotten to turn the sound back on on my alarm so I didn't get TB up for school until 6:30 so we had to rush, rush, rush.  My boobs were EXPLODING by this time so TG got six tons of milk, which she promptly spit up all over me.  YEA MORNING!!!!

I have a full day today and tomorrow, so by tomorrow evening I'll be feeling every one of my 41 years.

Lessons Learned:
  • -watch your own back.  Skanks will not do it for you.
  • -a itty bitty baby belly can only hold so much milk
  • -turn your fucking alarm back on, dumb ass
  • -some people do not know the difference between a icy and a slush
  • -that Taylor Lautner kid is HAWT!

I'll leave you with a few pics from the night.  Go to Kimtastic's place for the one of me snoozing.

  And can you believe I left these next two at home to  hang out with those crazy women?? Bad choices, Blue Momma, bad choices.


Good Times

Tonight we had some friends over for dinner.  It was nice.  The kids played and got along well.  The grown ups did the same.  The food was good - even if I did cook it - and the company was better.  I was going to take some pictures, but was distracted by those kids, friends and food I was talking about.  Maybe Kimtastic will email me a pic for my blog.  You know she took some, if not quite as many as usual.

I know I bitch and moan a lot about things, but life really is pretty good. Don't get me wrong.  I could be thinner, richer, prettier, smarter, etc, etc.  But in all honesty?  I have a great family and great friends. I am able to stay warm in the winter and cool in the summer.  My belly is always full (ha - even too full!).

I need to shut up and enjoy what I have and that is exactly what I plan to start doing more of.

You bitches rock.  And that includes you, too, J!!

I have to admit that TB did say he wanted F, H and E to be here, but he had a ball, too.

To quote Yankee Belle, "Good times, good times."


It's Too Soon!

I had to run to WalHell today to pick up some groceries.  Yes, I have done that before, smart ass, but I haven't done it that frequently since TG was born.  You see, believe it or not, my girl likes to be held.  She has a hate/hate relationship with her car seat.  She fucking hates that bitch!!!!

Usually we go to the store and she makes it about five minutes until she screams bloody murder.  I end up carrying her in front of me in a forward facing position, trying to push the buggy with my free hand while peeping over top of the now empty car seat so I don't plow over some tooth missing, mullet sporting, wife beater wearing fellow shopper. 

This is our routine.  I've become accustomed to it.  I've bitched and moaned and couldn't do anything about it accepted it. 

But now?  Today?  I put TG in the carseat.  NO TEARS.  We go to WalHell and actually shop for things.  NO TEARS.  I push my luck and casually browse through the baby toys after getting my groceries.  NO TEARS.

I should be happy, right? 

I'M NOT!!!

I'm not ready for my baby to be all grown and able to handle shit without me holding her.  I mean really, she isn't even six months old yet!!!!!!!  Next thing you know she'll be sleeping in her own bed, calling me poopie head and getting on the school bus.  That leads to high school, college, marriage, her moving away.....gahhhhhhhhh!!!!  I can't take it!!!!!!

Seriously folks, I need another baby because mine is already practically grown.

Or maybe what I need is a good therapist and/or a fucking intervention.....

(FYI - for those of you who think I am neglecting TG while I am typing this, she is currently sound asleep while simultaneously on the boob.  I may be a shitty housekeeper, but I am a kick ass multi-tasker!)


Home Improvements

I'm remodeling a little here on the old blog.  I'm thinking maybe a remodel will have me wanting to spend more time at my old hang out.  We'll see.  Anyway, you guys let me know what you think - honestly!!  I'm no pro at this so I'm depending on yall to help me work out the bugs.  Damn bug man would just charge me a hundred bucks and I can't afford that!  It's nearly Christmas after all....


All bassackward

Yesterday I was soooo tired. We got up early in the a.m. to get ready for a birthday party. I had been busy the night before and didn't make it to pick up a present so I sent TB (The Boy, aka Punkin) and Hubby to pick something up. I told him what to get and how much to spend. He comes home having spent half what I told him and had a toy that the kid was waaaay too young for. The kid is younger than TB and TB couldn't have played with the toy. First case of bassackwardness.

TB and I had to run by Target on the way to the party, exchange the gift and buy another one. On a side note, I did get to tell TB that he was gonna be "Tardy for the Party" and we had a lot of fun singing Tardy for the Party as we hurried through the store. (Gotta love those Real Housewives!)

After the party we met a friend for lunch. After lunch I offered to take TB to Toys R Us to do a little advance scouting for Santa Claus. What kid could turn that down, right??


Little punk wanted to go to Wal Hell instead!!! That was our second case off bassackwardness. I tried to talk him out of it, but he insisted. Of course Wal Hell didn't have the toys he wanted to look at, just like I had predicted. We looked at what they had and made our way home. On the way home I was so damn tired that I could have closed my eyes and slept right there in the driver's seat.

I only got more tired as I got closer to home, but I figure me and TG (The Girl, aka Orange Juice) could nurse and nap when I got home. WRONG! She wanted no part of a nap so we actually got a blanket and layed out in the backyard with TB until it started getting cold. I did manage to keep my eyes open, but barely, and only because my phone kept ringing.

So I'm like screw it. I'm going to bed. An actual bed. For those who don't know it, I've been sleeping with TG in the recliner in the living room since she was born. FIVE MONTHS AGO. Yes, I have. Back the fuck up, haters! It works for us. Anyway, I've been wanting a nights sleep in a real bed and since hubby didn't have call that day or the next I figured he had no excuse. I took TG downstairs where hubby had been drinking beer grilling and gave her to him, informed him of the plan, left him mumbling and grumbling and headed up to bed.

Now before you all start that "poor hubby" shit, let me tell you that he has NEVER had to tend to her at night, all night. She will be six months old and this was his first time. So TB and I snuggle up and he goes to sleep. ME? Here is our next case of bassackwardness.

I can't sleep.

When I do finally go to sleep, I wake up miserable. Crampy, sore - hell, like I'd been sleeping in a chair or something! (Though I might add that my chair is very comfy.) I get up and go get in my bed (hubby is in MY chair with TG). Again, can't sleep. Wake up off and on all night long, back hurting, legs hurting. Finally, I got up and got in the other recliner and went to sleep. I guess the going cold turkey on the recliner is not going to work. Not. At. All.

Plus, after sleeping (off and on) from 7pm till sometime early the next morning? I woke up with two of these
on my chest. So a night of no sleep, aches and pains, and boulder boobs? Leads to one bitchy Blue Momma today!!! The only thing that is making it tolerable is looking down and seeing thisHubby and TB have gone to the zoo, so my house is really as peaceful as that pic would make it appear.

Bassackward, but peaceful and full of love. :-)

Wordless Wednesday

Letters in the Style of That Chick

Dear Blue Momma,

Quit whining like a little bitch because your mouth hurts. You are the one who didn't put your retainer in for over a week. Put on your big girl panties and deal.


PS. Forget that big girl panty stuff. I realize that is all you own anyway.

Dear Stupid Old Bitch Who Shouldn't Have A Drivers License,

Right after you look to your right before pulling out into the street? It would be really smart if you also looked to your left. I know I don't drive a big, humongous SUV, but I'll still fuck you up if I run into you. Plus if you make me wreck with my baby in the car and you do manage to survive? I'll kill you with my bare hands shortly thereafter.

Heifer You Tried To Run Into This Morning

Dear Everyone,

Life is too short. Give peace a chance and shit like that.

Most sincerely,
Mellow Momma

Dearest Tabby,

I love you as much as a girl can love a cat. You rock my world. However, it is really hard for me to type with a 15 pound cat laying on my wrist. Please move and while you are up go tell Pretty Girl to clean her ass. It is looking pretty ripe.

Your Mom

My Sweet Girl,

I love you more than salsa and chips. Your little smile makes me melt and forget that I haven't slept a whole night in a bed for the past five months. I don't even mind when your diapers singe my nose hairs and make my toes turn inside out.

Oh, yeah. And when you chew on your toes? It may just be the cutest thing I've seen.

I Love You,
The Luckiest Momma on Earth

My Sweet Boy,

You make your Momma so proud. The only thing that would make me prouder would be if you'd put your dirty clothes in the laundry room when you take them off.

Love you bunches,
Your Momma

PS. If you could actually deposit the pee IN the toilet vs. all around it? That would be way cool, too. XOXO

Things that are pissing me off today

  • Fucking trains that block traffic for a damn HOUR piss me off. Move that shit, people! I've worked in manufacturing and if you are a responsible company you make sure that when you switch you do NOT inconvenience everyone around you while you do your work.
  • Seton Pharmacy. If you have changed your procedures how about sharing that with your customers? Don't be a bitch with me because you have changed your hours/numbers/location. Fuckers. I hate having to use the employee pharmacy at hubby's job. HATE.
  • MawMaw and PawPaw need to stay the hell at home until school and work traffic is over. Stay home and take your geritol and drink your coffee with the soggy biscuit in it and stay out of my way.
  • Not having my happy pills for a week because I can't get through to the damn fucked up employee pharmacy. Can you tell I haven't had that "edge" taken off? Hmmm...
  • The weather sucks major ass today. I have a playgroup at my house tomorrow. Guess we'll stay inside or agree to let the kids run around with wet, muddy feet and asses. Fuckity, fuck, fuck.
  • Can't find my keys. Used the spare set, planning to use the key we keep in the garage to get in the house. That key? MIA. Hubby? Blamed it on the kid!!! Like he can reach six foot up in the air to find the thing. Fucker. Accept responsibility for losing the key and move on before you get de-balled.
  • I have a headache. It hurts. Waaaaa. I also have a hair appointment in thirty minutes and no baby sitter. Chances of the girl sleeping through it? Slim, since she is sleeping now.
Guess I better quit bitching and head out to get this frizzy mop of hair cut. Of course I'll probably get blocked by a damn train on the way.....

Things I've Learned from my Four Year Old

Punkin has become quite the little man lately. He's still cute and sweet - most of the time - and loves to snuggle with his mama, but then he will also tell it like it is. Well, like it is in his world, which exists in some strange land ruled by preschoolers.

Just recently he has:
- told me that he only likes to talk to nice people, so would I please quit talking to him
- after being dumped by his girlfriend, he said "Maybe she'll change her mind when she grows up"
- told hubby to "Please stop talking! I just don't want to hear it."
- said that he likes it when I type on my computer because when I do we don't have to clean up
- was pissed off that he didn't get to eat dinner with my friend's husband or to play with her little girl after we delivered food to another friend who'd just had a baby. This had been our plan the week before and I hadn't mentioned it since.
- suggested that I get a job in the evenings so that he could see daddy more often, but then decided since he loved me I could go ahead and stay home
- taken exception to the fact that I said he was a girl because his fingernails had gotten long, he dropped his pants, pointed to his package and said "I have a wingding. I'm a boy!"
- argued with me over the identity of Chloe on Smallville (she was impersonated last week, but was herself this week - he had a problem with this for some reason)
- reminded me that he will change diapers when Orange Juice gets here, but only wet ones because he does not like poop
- told me that I was the best mommy ever and that he loved me sooooo much
- asked why I hid behind the pillow in the pictures from bunco (because I make shitty pictures). He said for me to please take more pictures because he loved me.
- asked why I wear makeup because he liked me better without it

He's becoming quite the little man. Such a talker, so opinionated, so sure of his little four year old self. I see lots of hair pulling and headaches ahead, but I am so proud of him. I love his spunk and his determination and I love how alike we are. I love that he is sooooo excited about his new baby sister's arrival and I can't wait to see his face when he first lays eyes on her. I will even gladly have my picture made with them (yes, bunco bitches, I said gladly!). Today we turned off the tv and the computer and just sat in the rocking chair, read books and talked. It was so nice.

Life? Despite my bitching? It is good.

And the laundry is ALL done. Who could ask for more?


Hello to all three people who still read this blog!!

It's late and I need to go to bed, but wanted to give a quick update on things in the Blue household. Hopefully bullets will do because it's late and it's all I've got!

  • I'm feeling great. I wasn't losing my mind after all, my iron was just terribly low and it was making me feel insane! I feel like my old self - happy pills or not - and I'm glad to be back. Who would think a little bit of iron could make such a difference in ones physical and mental health?
  • I only have 11 weeks left until little Orange Juice arrives. The time is slowly sneaking up on me and I am NOT prepared. These next few weeks will be busy, busy, busy. I sure am glad I'm feeling good again or I would be totally screwed - well, more than I am now!
  • I've decided to withdraw from school for this semester. Being that I've been in a virtual fog for the past couple of months and have neglected everything, I have a lot to make up for. These next couple of months will be all about Punkin and Hubby and getting ready for Orange Juice to arrive. School is a priority, but definitely well below them - and myself - on my list.
  • Found out Punkin was playing doctor with a friend. Shouldn't they wait until they are at least in elementary school before starting that shit? As I've said many times before, his teenage years are going to be verrrrrry interesting.
  • I'm really bothered that Punkin's first love has decided to "live up in a tower" since she still loves him and he is going to marry someone else. Being a preschooler should not have to be so complicated!! :)
  • Just because I talk to you doesn't mean I like you and just because I don't talk to you doesn't mean I don't like you. I've said that before and it is true, at least for me and how I operate. It is more thought provoking when I realize that it also applies to how others interact with me. Everything/everyone cannot be taken at face value. This isn't New England. ;-)
  • People come in and out of your life for a reason. Sometimes you don't appreciate the person, the timing, the circumstances - whatever - of their entrance/exit, but I think most of the time, after the hard part is over, it is for the best for all involved. It is hard to move on sometimes, but it is what is needed.
  • Damn if this feeling better hasn't gotten me all introspective and doesn't have me evaluating/re-evaluating lots of things/plans/people in my life. I think this is good - and it is nice to have a clear head again and to be able to do it!
  • The oh so erudite K-Mom once said on her blog: "Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option." I realize the past few months I've not followed this and I plan on prioritizing things correctly from now on! I think I tend to think about how I am getting treated and sometimes forget about the other person. That's not cool. Of course, if I'm not a priority for them? Well, that is dead weight I need to cut off...and I need to lose all the weight I can!!! ha
  • Weight. I've gained more weight so far in this pregnancy than I gained the whole time with Punkin. Fuckity, fuck, fuck. I totally blame it on the iron deficiency and the diabetes and not on, in any particular order: Little Caesar's breadsticks, Sabra Supremely Spicy Hummus and whole wheat pita pockets, Taco Bell anything, Sabor Latino chips and salsa0, etc, etc. Totally the other shit. Totally
  • We went to visit a friend today and her daughter met us at the door and told us "not to get on her nuts today". hehehehehehehe We did our best to stay off of her nerves. I hope we were successful. Of course she did perform that exam on my kid, so...
Ok, that short update sure got long. I'm kind of feeling the blog bug again, I think, so maybe I'll be back more. Hopefully the three of you will be here, too! Punkin has really been zinging me with the one liners here lately so I've had a lot of blog fodder....if I could just remember it now, you'd have been spared this boring ass post!!!

Blah, Blah, Blah

Do you ever just feel blah? Nothing is really wrong, you just feel blah.

I feel blah.

School is ok. My classes are ok. There is work to be done, of course, but it isn't terribly hard.

Hubby has been on good behavior, as has Punkin. Well, good as you get from a four year old!!

The pregnancy is going spectacularly well, even better than the first one. Couldn't ask for better.


Blah. Blah. Blah.

I miss my happy pills. They helped take away the blahs. I feel inappropriately happy, then inappropriately sad. Neither to extreme, but neither really appropriate. Or maybe it is appropriate. Who knows. Maybe the happy pills just made everything artificially wonderful and this is just reality.

Or it could be that after watching Jurassic Park 1, 2, & 3 approximately 4,497,464 times over the past two weeks that I'm just suppressing the feeling that I will soon be eaten by a velociraptor.


Why am I sitting here, again, watching country music videos and tearing up?

Maybe I should dig out those old Motley Crue and Ozzy vhs tapes from the old days and man up a bit. I may even have a four sizes too small concert tee stuck in a box somewhere....


I'm sick today and, rather than spread my misery to all of my classmates, I decided to take a day off from classes. I really don't need to miss, but I don't think I'd get any brownie points by coughing a lung up at one of my teachers. I've washed some clothes, cleaned the house some and put in a little computer time, of course. While I did all of this the tv was on and somehow ended up on GAC, the country music channel.

I caught myself listening to that song where the guy thought he was strong before he met his wife, blah, blah, blah and ended up crying. Yeah, crying. I'll blame some of it on hormones and some of it on it being the 800th sappy song I had heard and some of it on just life in general.

I know I bitch and moan a lot - about the hubby, about finances, about any old thing - but really? Life as a whole is pretty good.

Yes, I could be - in no particular order: richer, thinner, smarter, more organized, younger, more patient, etc, etc - but I must admit, I'm pretty happy with me. I think I have the best kid ever - like me, not perfect - but pretty damn close to it. Hubby is patient, hard working, generous with me to a fault. Honestly, I wouldn't put up with me. So is he, are any of us, perfect? No. But I must admit I'm glad to be where I am and with who I'm with.

I've been lucky enough to make some good friends since moving back to Alabama. They keep me busy, keep me sane when I'm feeling crazy, bring me back down to earth when I'm thinking my shit just doesn't stink. I'm glad to have found them and to get to share my life with them and to take part in theirs, too. I'm not perfect, they aren't perfect, but who the hell wants perfect?

I'm finally pregnant and it looks like things are going to be successful this time. We've wanted this so long that it's hard to believe it is happening. I'm so happy, hubby is so happy, Punkin is beyond happy. As Punkin puts it, now we'll be a real family. I think he thinks he needs a sibling for it to be real, though it feels pretty damn good the way it is. When little Orange Juice gets here? She'll just be the cherry on top!

Ok, enough mush. Now I need to watch Bones, snuggle with Punkin, and finish cleaning this messy house. Hope you all are feeling as good as I am - cold from hell or not!

Proof That I'm Really 12

So it is late night. I should be asleep, but I'm nursing a new found addiction to Spider Solitaire. You know, that free game that comes with Windows? Yeah, that's the one.

Anyway, I'm watching Books that Were Left Out Of the Bible, or some shit like that, and all of a sudden this infomercial is on. It's for the Slap Chop. Some cheap ass mini chopper which I'm sure isn't nearly as good as my one from Pampered Chef. But it does come with free shit...

So dude is talking up the Slap Chop big time. He's excited. If I was in the other room I'd probably think I was hearing bad porn. But I digress.

Dude is slapping.

Dude is chopping.

Then Dude says:

Come on. You're gonna love my nuts.


I was kind of in a shitty mood, but that cracked my ass up.

With a super serious, but excited face, a grown man on a television commercial told me I was gonna love his nuts! ~snicker~

They just say I was born in 1968, but I know. I know I'm really 12.

I'm Still Here...

Hi, blogland!! Long time no see. Or I guess more appropriately, long time no write. Because I do read, even though the writing, both blogging and commenting, is almost nonexistent. I'd blame it on the pregnancy if it hadn't started before that. I guess since that is out of the question as far as blame - and I'd never blame myself, of course - I'll have to blame the hubby. It's always their fault anyway, isn't it? No matter what the issue? Sure. That's why we married them, to have someone to blame our shit on!

Anyway, life around here is going good, if busier than I really like. I'll be 20 weeks this Thursday, so baby Orange Juice - you can thank Punkin for that name - is growing and thriving. It seems like just yesterday I found out I was finally pregnant, but then again it seems like time is crawling by at a snail's pace. We have picked a name - or more accurately Punkin picked a name. He is SO into this pregnancy. It makes it even more fun. He's gonna be a great big brother. Oh, and I guess I should say "it" is a she! He will tell you he decided that, too, by wishing really hard. Who knows? Maybe he did...

I'm back in school now, just two classes this semester, though. Punkin is back in school three days a week, one of which is a free day for me which will be really nice, as I didn't have one last semester. What to do on that day? Hmmmm....facebook laundry, read/write blogs dishes, hang with the girls study? Wonder which ones of those will win out? Any guesses?

Punkin is also growing like a weed. He is so damn big these days! Talks like he's 15, usually has at least three girls he is stringing along, corrects my errors (I know you are surprised, but I do make them...occasionallly), and never slows down. He will either keep me young (ish) or send me to an early grave, depending on the day you ask me. Right now he is marrying Grace Ann - ask me tomorrow who my future DIL will be as it may change. He does know that he isn't marrying me - but only because I am already married!

Life without the happy pills is interesting. My fuse? Not short. No, it is nonexixstant. My patience? Don't count on me having any. Therefore, I'm pretty much just trying to avoid situations that call for either fuses or patience, which face it folks, is pretty fucking hard to do. A friend has even recently said I was getting crotchety. Hmph. Maybe a little hermitish, but I don't know about crotchety!!!

I am having to fight the hermit urge really hard, though. I tell you I could sit in my house for a week and never leave and it would be alright with me. I do fight it though and sometimes get out of my own choosing, but usually it is someone dragging me out, even if they don't realize that is what they are doing. Thank god for school and friends who go, go, go or poor Punkin would be a shut in! I tell you some of these girls - and you know who you are! - never sit still! It's good though, because it gets me out and when I get out I enjoy it. It's just the dragging my ass up off the couch part that is the problem.

Ok, I'm gonna go now and try to get a little studying done. Thanks to all of you who made it through this not so thrilling post. I'm starting to feel the blogging itch just a little (maybe lack of happy pills there, too?), so I'll probably be around a little more. Till then - love ya, miss ya...see ya!