Gym Talk

Things that were discussed while on the elliptical and treadmill at the gym today

• Vaccinations and people who choose not to have their kids vaccinated. Seis was particularly fired up about this one so it was quite an interesting conversation. I didn't say much because after two weeks of barely going to the gym I could hardly breathe, much less talk.
• HPV vaccination. You know even if your sweetie pie is going to stay "pure" until she is betrothed, what about the ho bag she marries? I promise you, if they had a shot for boys Punkin would be getting it immediately. He's his daddy's boy, after all.
• How I really don't like genital warts and would be fine telling Punkin that if he really wanted to know why he needed the vaccination.
• Glimmering teal eyeshadow which is about an inch thick really looks odd while you are working out. Obviously some people come to the gym looking to do more than work out. Or maybe it is just a different type of workout they are looking for.
• That saliva is a spermicide and that supposedly doggy style is the way to go if you are hoping to conceive a boy. I have a boy, but got him the old fashioned, missionary way. Ruff, ruff.
• Not all hubbys constantly ask for blow jobs. I didn't realize this species of man existed and think that he should probably be immediately sent to a lab somewhere for further examination. Mine asks for blow jobs morning, noon, night, while he is sleeping, etc, etc.
• Whether or not the people on the track are laughing at watching the people working out in the pool below them. Seis thinks they are because her freaky ass does it. I think they are all looking at the chick with the teal eyeshadow and not noticing the old ladies in the pool.
• How this trip to the gym was providing tons of blog fodder. I think all of the above could be stand alone posts, but I'm too tired to do anything but bullet points today. It's been a hell of a week so far.
  

I'm Ba-a-a-ak, I'm Ba-a-a-ak. I'm Back in, uh, Red

I'm back. Our vacation is over and we've returned to the real world. I'm quite sad about it, but I'm guessing I'll live. My reader is overflowing and I won't even pretend that I'll be able to catch up on everything, though I'll sure try. So what's been up with all of you over the last week?

We were in Florida this past week. I must admit, it was divine. It's early enough in the season that it was nice and warm, but not too hot. There were people around, but it wasn't too crowded. We stayed with some friends at their parents house - who I now consider friends, too - and we had a great, great time. They were great. It was nice to be part of a non dysfunctional family, if only for a limited time.

Of course, I'm cooked. My middle and lower back are the color of Santa's suit. Isn't it funny how when you are blistered everyone suddenly loves you and wants to hug you or pat you on the back? Odd. If it wasn't for the extra padding I'd show you a pic. It's bad. Way bad. Yes, I'm whiner.

So we got home at around 2pm yesterday and had people coming over for a Memorial Day cookout at 4pm. Yes, I know I'm a dumb ass. Anyway, we managed to pull it together with only one knock down, drag out fight and were ready when the first guest arrived. It was a nice evening though, again not too hot, and the strawberry daiquiris company was great. Punkin had a melt down later in the evening, but still had fun and was sad when everyone left.

As the last guest was leaving he asked where B was (his friend from vacation). It was so cute. We had to call and leave her a voice mail telling her goodnight. What is funny is that initially he said she wasn't his friend, that TL was his girlfriend. Sweet, huh? Worried about cheating and he's only three. By the end of our trip they were holding hands and sitting in the chair together. It was really sweet.

Today we had a BDMGE event at the mall. We met for lunch and carousel rides. It was chaos, but fun. Lots of cool moms and cool kids. Punkin latched on to B and his friend S and wouldn't let go. It's great to see him interacting with other kids and having fun, without crying or pushing or whining. My little man is growing up.

After the mall we went by to pick up Punkin's karate uniform. OMG, it is the cutest thing. Of course the pants are long enough for me, but he looks cuter than hell in it. We'll miss the first class as I'll be visiting my peeps in TX, but we'll be able to make up the missed class.

Oh, didn't you know? Next week Punkin and I are off to spend a few days with AFF. Are you jealous? I know you are. I'll be seeing Catwoman and Bren while I'm there, too. I'm very excited. Can't wait to go. We are going to the Fort Worth zoo while we are there. Punkin can hardly wait. We have a Barney video which was filmed at the FW zoo so we call it Barney's zoo. I wish I had a dollar for how many times he's asked me if we were going to Barney's zoo today. I just hope he isn't too disappointed when we don't actually see that big purple goof while we are there.

Ok, enough about me. I'm off to read about all of the exciting things y'all were up to while I was living the high life in FL. I'm catching up on The Real World my washing, too, but you know you come first. Yes, you. You know when it's not all about me it's all about you. It's all about you, but I'll leave you with some pics from our trip. None of the beach or anything until I get a camera that I'm not scared to carry places and which isn't as big as Punkin. Mmmmmmmwah.

Hubby taking it easyThe sun going down over the bayLooking out the windowMy PunkinLuckily there were a couple of cats hanging around
Super coolPunkin and HubbySomeone sneaked and took a pic of me in my no hair, no make up glory. I'm sorry if you have nightmares after this one.

Six Random Things About Me (that you could care less about)

It's meme time again. We are leaving for vacation tomorrow and I have noting else to give. I'm tired. Isn't vacation supposed to be relaxing? This packing/cleaning/getting ready stuff sure isn't any fun.

Anyway, here are the rules.

Tag six people at the end of your post linking to their blog.
Let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.
Let the tagger know when your entry is up.

Uh, let's see. Six things. Random. Hmmmmmm....

1. When I was a kid I used to catch bees in coke bottles and leave them there until they died. Then I'd put them in match boxes and bury them. Of course they had Popsicle tombstones. Only the best for the dearly departed.

2. I had my first kiss when I was in seventh grade. I can still smell his mouthwash/toothpaste/gum/whatever it was. The guy? Probably in prison somewhere now.

3. When I was in high school people considered me wild. Now I realize that everything is relative and that I wasn't nearly the bad girl that I thought I was.

4. I don't really think that skunks smell that bad. To me the smell is a bit sweet, though not something I want to smell all of the time.

5. I worked at a ladder factory while going to college. I cut/smashed off the end of my left hand pinky finger there. It was worth like $410. I'm considered like 0.5% disabled. Huh.

6. I always wanted to get a boob job until I got pregnant and lugged around ginormous boobs for a while. Now I think I can be happy with what I have.

So those were pretty random and pretty boring. Hopefully I'll get some inspiration while on vacay.

Of course it is supposed to rain every day we are gone.

If this meme had been seven random things my seventh would be that I have really shitty luck.

Oh, I forgot. The tags. If you wanna do this consider yourself tagged. It's too late and I'm too tired to follow the rules this time!

Slide Slide Slippity-Slide......

Yesterday Blue Daddy and I went to a party. Yes, a party. We drug our old asses off of the couch and went out to socialize. WITH ADULTS. Oh, yeah. An adults only party. No kiddos in sight. Punkin went home with Nanny (after we went shopping for her birthday) and BD and I were on our own.

We headed over to the house of Seis around 2:30. The party was already going as it started at 1pm and we were late. Let me explain though. This was a slip and slide party. Yeah, like one of these

But this slip and slide was on steroids. Built by a bunch of men boys overgrown children nuts adults - engineers, bankers, etc - and way longer - and much less yellow - than the original. Plus, this one was fueled by beer as much as it was by water and elevation!

It was a great time. The beer flowed, the jello shots did whatever they do and I ended up drinking some kind of creamcicle thing and Juicy Juice and spiced rum. Everyone was sloshed, but for some odd reason I wasn't. Seems like that is always how it happens. It was a great time though. Hubby and I had a ball. It was nice to get out with the grown ups and watch them act like kids.

We ended up with over 200 photos (!!!!), so I'll share a few with you. Look closely and you may spot a few bloggers you know - or should know!

I don't have a pic of the whole slip n slide. It was too damn long. But take my word for it, it was long and on a steep ass hill. And hell no, I didn't go down it. Neither did my hubby. He works in surgery and has seen enough people having to get repaired from crazy shit like this! This is the best pic of the length of the slide that I managed to getOne blogger, two bloggerHubby of BloggerTwo bloggers, 1/2 blogger and 1/8 blogger + blogger hubby. Oh, and random guy.Another blogger hubby. Yes, that is an Oh help me Jesus! look on his face.Of course it is a good idea to surf down the steroidal slip n slide on a raft. Sure.Surfs OVER the pool and into the fenceThe aftermathAt least no one rode a tricycle down it like they did last year.

For some reason the pics hubby took had a lot of this chick in them. Hmmm......Girl sliderBoy sliderFreaktastic slider and blogger hubbySlide acrobaticsBlogger hubby slide - you guess who he belongs to!Three bloggers and one blogger hubbyAnother blogger slidingEventually the beer ran out. Hmmmmm.....what to do with the keg?????The keg had other ideasAnd no, I am not in any of the photos. I was either manning the camera or hubby was. Hubby? He knows better than to take pictures of me! So. much. fun though. Really. Hubby got in some male bonding time, I got to hang and slurp down lots of jello and meet some cool new people. And thankfully it wasn't too hot.

Ok, that's two posts in two days for me. Or is it three? See yall in a few days. Oh, we are going on vacation Wednesday, so depending on if there is internet access at the house we are mooching staying in I'll post some beach pics. Not of me, of course, but of lovely sand.

See ya......

Love is in the Air

Let's address the pink elephant in the room first. Or maybe more appropriately the orange elephant. I have a new layout. Just couldn't stand the blue anymore. Also I though it was about time I addressed the sunshine and rainbows coming out of my ass.

Now to my real post. I think I've mentioned before that Punkin has a girlfriend. But he's three. He tells me about her and that she says he is her boyfriend, but who the hell knows? He tells me all kinds of stuff that I KNOW isn't true. But Wednesday? I found out the truth.

So Wednesday morning I had to drop off the cakes I had made at the MDO. Since I was already late for school and was skipping the gym (thanks to wobbly arms after all of the cake decorating - or maybe it was from giving 8,000 hand jobs, but surely I'd remember that) I had time to kill and was lingering, talking to one of the teachers.

Up comes True Love (TL) , who has just now seen Punkin and she says "Punkin! Oh, Punkin!" and gives him a ginormous hug. They walk off holding hands and proceed to hug, dance around in circles, and generally cavort and act silly. All the while holding hands, of course.

I of course run out to my car and get my camera. I missed the best parts, but did get a few pic. I didn't have my good lens on so they aren't that great, but you'll get the point.

Doing a little danceOther boys who are obviously jealous of my boy's prowessGimme a hug, baby!
I promise you I'm not teacing him square dancing
Of course, girl or no girl he always has time to give Momma a big hug, too
My boy is a playa! Yesterday as I was leaving after picking him up I was talking to TL's best friend's mother. TL's BF tells her mother "That is the guy I've been telling you about."

They GUY! My Punkin is three! He isn't a guy! Puh-leeeease. And when did four year olds quit talking about boys and start talking about guys? I think this is going a bit too fast for me. A bit. I didn't think I'd really have to worry about this kind of thing for another ten years. Certainly I thought the preschool years would be chick drama free.

All I can say is that they sure grow up way too fast. On the positive side, I'm pretty sure I'll get that first grandkid before I'm too old to pick it up. And it'll be cute. Because look at my Punkin. And his taste in chicks? Primo.

Wordless Wednesday - Yummm...

To Do Update

I know you are all just dieing to know how I did with my to do list today. Just can't wait to find out. Well, no surprise, I didn't get to everything. I did get ALL, I said ALL, of my laundry done. Yea me!

I also got both cakes made and iced. I got a bit sloppy here and there, used the wrong tip, thinned the icing a bit to much on the castle cake, etc, but they turned out good enough for the MDO. Hey, it's not like they are paying me for them or anything.

Here they are pre icing
The lion cake post icing
The castle cake post icing
Has anyone ever noticed that on the Wilton cake pans, or at least for these two, the photos are reversed? The photo is a mirror image of what you actually decorate. Of course this leads to me putting things in the wrong place because I'm looking at the picture and not paying attention.

Oh, well. I guess I'll live.

Poodlehead gave me tons of shit about backing out on movie night tonight. That girl cuts me no slack. And here I was, slaving for my kid and cleaning house. Where's the love? I say, where???
At this point I am just fucking exhausted!! Body pump isn't sounding very attractive to me at this point, though after all of the icing I licked off of my fingers today I sure need to do it in the morning. Gym or no gym, standing in my kitchen all day has worn my ass out.

Or it could just be that I am old.

Or stupid.

Or just possibly both.

But I certainly not lazy. Well, at least not today.

To Do List For Today

Being of lost sound mind, but no clue whatsoever inspiration whatsoever, I leave you, my long suffering readers with my to do list for today.

• Wash the three foot tall pile of clothes in front of my washer. You think three foot isn't bad? It's three foot high and about five foot long. Yeah, it's bad.
• Make and ice two cakes for Punkin's MDO tomorrow. Can't make the frog as there is no lemon lime icing coloring on the face of the earth and I'm not smart enough to improvise.
  
• Make the umpteen colors of icing for those cakes. Why the hell do I keep volunteering for his kind of thing?
• FINALLY strip the remaining wallpaper from my bathroom walls and get ready to paint them. FINALLY.
• Pick up all the crap that is thrown around my house and put it in it's place.
• Put photos in the large photo frame that is supposed to be hanging in my bedroom. This was all done and hubby broke the frame. Of course he bought me a new one, but the mat is different so all needs to be changed. Uh, this was about two years ago. I've been moving it from place to place in my bedroom since then. This thing is like three foot by four foot. It is big and in my fucking way CONSTANTLY.
• Paint the molding for Punkins room again since I've decided it should be high gloss instead of semi gloss. Plan for actually installing it.
• Clean the disaster that will be my kitchen after making two cakes and four batches of icing.
  
• Go to mother's night out movie night at K-Mom's Ugh, no can't do that must do the rest of my list.
• Go to gym with Poodlehead and Seis Again, did you check out this list? Not gonna happen.
• Neglect my poor Punkin while I do all of this crap on my list. Poor kid. I'd feel worse if he didn't have six million movies to watch and sixteen billion toys to play with. Plus, I'm trying to get all of this stuff done before taking him to the beach(!!!!!), to Barney's Zoo (more to come on this one), and who the hell knows where else.

Ok, readers. See ya tomorrow, maybe with pictures of all I've accomplished. Uh, better add that to my list.

• Take pictures of all I've accomplished.
  

Did You See That Flying Pig?

Punkin is three years old. Actually three and a half. It has only been in the last few months that we can take him to get his hair cut without both he and the hairdresser having an emotional breakdown.

So you can only imagine my dread anguish oh holy hell how will we ever do this!?!?!?! worry about taking him to the dentist for the first time. I've put it off and put it off. I mean, come on. I'm grown, some would even say overgrown, and I hate going to the dentist. HATE. I'd rather go to the gyno weekly than to the dentist twice a year.

But being the procrastinating slacker sorry excuse for devoted mother that I am, I bit the bullet and made the appointment. I actually got a recommendation for the dentist from Random Mommy. Now RM seems very particular about where she takes Buddha, so I figured if she was ok with this place, I would be, too.

Finally the day arrives. Of course we get behind every fucking, slow assed old lady maw maw on the road, get stopped in a license check point, have to stop for a train, etc. So the thirty minutes I had allowed for the trip evaporated rather quickly. Then, add in that I didn't actually know where I was going, but was counting on my sense of direction to get me there, and of course we ended up being late. Only a few minutes, but late.

On the way there we talked about teeth. We talked about cavities and how gross they are. How if he doesn't take care of his teeth they will get all green and black and nasty. Oh, and how they will hurt. My Punkin is like me. We do not like pain.

Anyway, by the time we get there Punkin is trying to go directly back to the work areas, saying he wants to floss his teeth! Guess the pep talk worked! Wouldn't you guess it thought, I go to give them my insurance card and I don't have it. Still have no clue where it is. Hubby was to fax it to them, but never could get the fax to go through. Luckily they were able to look up the number. I. Be. So. Smart.

But my Punkin? He is a damn trooper! When they called us back, he went flying. Watched the tooth super hero video and asked questions. Appropriate questions. Then they dismissed me (of course I didn't leave, but followed them back to the cleaning area, snapping pictures) and he told me bye.

Just bye.

No crying. No begging me to stay. No Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!

I must admit I was proud. And a bit disappointed. I know, I'm a bitch. Sorry.

So Punkin did great. Wowed all the hygienists, just really worked the room. Doc said he had a perfect mouth! And yes, I am bragging. She said only about 10% of the kids she saw had that so we count ourselves very lucky. His dad and I? Mouths FULL of fillings. She said his teeth were nice and clean, all in the right places, and that the interior of his mouth looked great.Again, I was so proud of him. He was such a little man and was so well behaved. I'm sure I never acted that well at the dentist. Huh, I still don't. Then today at school? They said they didn't have to get on to him one time. NOT ONCE. Now of late? That just hasn't been happening. He even took a nap without having to be coerced or pressured into it. And yesterday? Played for about an hour and a half with the neighbor girl without a single incident.

So after these past few days? I am totally sure that pigs are flying, hell has froze over, the moon is blue and a cow is jumping over it. All of that shit. I know I'm probably jinxing myself, but could the terrible twos/atrocious threes be starting to wind down? God, I hope so.

And just in time for summer? With only a week left for MDO? Oh, please. Let those pigs keep flying!!!