Life in the Fish Bowl


Humility - and How Blue Momma Got Some

Long time no blog! I'm still alive and kicking, just busy as hell. I'll recap the summer and why I've not been around later, but - yeah, you guessed it - I don't have time right now. Just wanted to post a bit so you knew I hadn't in fact dropped off of the face of the earth or moved to Julia Tutwiler or something....

First of all, the title of this post has endless appeal to my inner twelve year old. I started to put how BM got some. I always giggle when people call me BM. If that doesn't get you a dose of humility, what will? Come on. BM? Basically I was saying how shit got some? hehe I crack my twelve year old self up. Then how BM shit Blue Momma got some. Like Blue Momma ever gets some! HA! Again, I crack my twelve year old self up!

(I promise I really didn't spend the summer sitting in the corner smoking weed and making bad jokes. Just this morning. Except for the weed part.....)

Anyway, I went back to college the week. I decided what that when I grow up I want to be a math teacher so I enrolled myself in a local college and got started on it. (Can you say long story short?)

Math. Chosen because math is a teacher shortage area and jobs are plentiful. Chosen because there are federal and state funds to repay student loans for math teachers. Chosen because I want to teach middle school and kick ass at addition and subtraction.

Not chosen because I'm some type of math prodigy. Puh-leeeease.

So again, long story short (from now on LST because I have a shit load of long stories to tell (damn lack of blogging!)), I need four hours of advanced math classes in order to start my teacher education curriculum. Holy shit. You need calculus I at a minimum to get into any of these classes. I have only taken algebra.

Big deal, right? I can just bust my ass and catch up. I didn't think I was ready but the secretary (!) who registered me (LST) thought I could handle it, so what the hell. They suckered me in with the whole "you can start your ED classes in the spring!" line and I went for it.

I mean, I'm smart right? I can do anything if I want to, right? I'm not just your average dufus! I can handle it.

So I enroll in Numerical Analysis. Math 330 or some shit like that. Buy my book. Take my old ass to class with the 20 year olds. I don't know if Jaydoug reads my blog, but if he does? They did not think I was the teacher! Smart ass. They just thought I was some old chick.

I go into the class at 2pm. By 2:02pm I have realized what a fucking mistake I've made! I am not that smart. I do not know everything. I cannot just study real hard and handle whatever is thrown at me.

Holy shit. Talk about feeling academically inadequate! I felt like a total dumb ass! Those 20 year olds were throwing around mathematical terms I had never even heard of, much less learned and forgotten 16 years ago when I had algebra!

I sat through the class, drawing daisies in my notebook and thinking what the fuck is my dumb ass doing here. I volunteered to the professor that he didn't have to ask me to drop the class, that I was kicking my own dumb ass, unprepared, prerequisite not having ass out.

So what does an over confident know it all dumb ass do then? Register for calculus I.

I think you see where this is headed, right? I go to calI the next day. I'm not as totally lost as I was the day before, but I'm not shouting out answers from my half desk (who the hell invented those things anyway? A one armed man? It had to be a man, regardless of the number of arms he had). I'm thinking I'm one smart chick and this stuff will come back to me.

Then he hands out a pretest.

At that point I again realize that I don't know shit.

You guess what happens next?

I go home and plurk endlessly (LST) about my ineptitude and everyone tells me how I can do it! To hang in there! It's easy! Woo hoo! Go BM!

Finally, at this point, I listen to inner voice. Remember, I'm a know it all. I always get into trouble when I ignore my inner voice. So my inner voice is telling me to put my old, dumb, algebra 16 years ago ass into precal and to quit fucking around with shit I have no clue about.

That's what I did. Precal? Not a breeze at this point, but not totally foreign either. I won't be as quick as the 18 year olds in the class that had algebra last semester before they graduated high school (fucking babies), but I an hang. It is coming back to me. Maybe I'm not a totally clueless old hag after all.......

So to sum that all up, my know it all ass was reminded that I in fact do not know everything. That being older doesn't necessarily make me smarter at anything everything. That advanced math is for the fucking birds.

If you ever get to thinking you are really smart - you know, like me - just go sit through a numerical analysis class for an hour. It'll remind you that yeah, you may know some stuff, maybe even some really good shit, but you don't. know. everything. Not by a long shot. And that some stuff? About some stuff you don't even have a fucking clue.

So my big head? Well, this week it has officially been deflated. If you see some chick walking around with an oversize body and an itty bitty head (like that guy on Men in Black!), well that's me. Humility is reigning and I'm put in my place.

I can't promise it will last long, but for now? I'm totally it's bitch.