Life in the Fish Bowl

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Spin Class is the Devil


I did my second spin class this morning. Oh. My. God. My ass is so sore. They say that after three classes it stops hurting so bad, but honestly? I think that's just some skinny gym bitch propaganda! I'll be hearing take it up, add some road, pass the next rider in my sleep tonight. And it won't be a pleasant dream. It may end with me throttling the instructor.

What they really want to do is make the wide-of-ass suffer on those damn skinny, hard seats. Don't we suffer enough already? Have you looked at the plus size department lately? Mumus and grandma clothes everywhere - and then we have to take it up the ass at the gym. Puh - lease. And lets not even talk about bathing suits.

Sure, I can get one with a skirt that will cover up my ginormous hips. But then when I get in the water the skirt spreads out around me like some kind of halo and I spend all day tucking the damn thing in the legs of my suit. Which if you haven't figured it out is a major pain in the ass and oh, so flattering.


Those seats though. Who the hell invented them? How about they are wider. And more padded. Forget about my ass. My girly bits feel like they have been on a three day tequila binge with some young stud. Damn, they hurt. And this is baby time at our house. Oh, the pain. I'd rather have a yeast infection I think. The last half of the class I sat sideways on the seat, to try to avoid getting an even worse case of the hot twat.

GGGGGGGAAAAAAAHHHH. This trying to get into shape is sure hard work. It was a lot more fun gaining the weight than it is losing it!!!! And my butts and guts class? Going away after today. That really sucks because I need help in both the butt and gut department. In it's place? Step. I fucking hate step. Sorry, My2Suns, but you get to keep the kangaroo all to yourself for that one!!!

20 comments:

"MommaDrool" said...

And this is why I love you! I need to come to your gym, and we will start a picket in hopes of wider more padded seats for those spin classes.

justmylife said...

This is too damn funny! I hear ya on the bike seats, why do you think I never get on one. Keep on going, I hear you live longer, but do you really want to if you have to do that? I'll just keep the weight, Thank You!

Sandy said...

I'm not sure if you really live longer or if it just seems longer!

Hope it gets easier.

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

If my father-in-law didn't read my blog, I'm quite sure that you would be hearing a wonderful story about how bikes and twats don't mix. The twat to seat familiarization process in an annual event for me and one that I loathe with the fire of a thousand suns.

The only way to avoid the pain? Just don't exercise. I know, you thought it would be hard to get over it.

beautyishere said...

Yeah those things suck. So, in a spin class all you do is ride a bike? really? That sucks.
Yeah, getting in shape sucks. I give up after 2 or 3 days of working out, I hurt too bad. Oh, well.

anglophilefootballfanatic said...

Wumman you are rocking my world & totally inspiring me. I am so proud of you. But, wanting a yeast infection? Are you daft or just mad?

K-Mom said...

Your blog made me snort laugh! I'm envious of your stick-to-it-ness and devotion to the gym.

You've inspired me! Tomorrow, I'm dusting off the old treadmill and I'm going for a run...unless Young and the Restless looks like it's gonna be good, then I'm going to eat Froot Loops and watch TV.

Poodlehead said...

Girlfriend, you are on a rant! I also have the sore cootch but I am ready to give it another go. At least I wasn't foolish enough to do it again 2 days later.............. maybe next week.

So I'll see you tomorrow for our peacelovehappinesstwistyourspinebodyflow?

My2Suns said...

So are we still on for Spinning next week? Can you take the pain? Feel the burn... oh wait now I sound like them. Too much time at the gym I guess.

I'll keep the Kangaroo, I think he is funny and kind of a goober type. I guess I like him because he is so goofy I don't feel self conscious like I do with all those skinny and cut girls.

Next week,,,,,,BODY COMBAT IS BACK!!! YEAH!!!!!!

the planet of janet said...

somehow riding a bike without a change of scenery seems counterproductive to me.

as for my workout progress (bwahahahahahaha!), i started pilates this week.

it's kicking my ass.

Catwoman said...

Oh how I heart you and how much you make me laugh.

My twat hurts just riding my bicycle around the neighborhood. So the idea of trying spinning again makes my legs close up.

I used to do spinning once a week back in the day when I actually cared about having a figure and I do recall that your twat eventually does toughen up enough that it doesn't hurt as bad. Couldn't tell you how many weeks into the process this was though.

Mamma Schmoo said...

Thanks for the heads up on all the reasons why I will not be going to a spin class in the near or very distant future!

On clothing, I have found that not only do they only sell mumus and grandma clothes but that you also have to be about 10 ft. tall to fit any of the pants. I put them on to fit my ass and have to wear stilts to fit the length.....

Rachel said...

But, dude, you're doing it! You are getting in shape, pain or no pain.

That Chick Over There said...

Those seats are the devil.

Blondie said...

I wish you could do a spinning class on those super comfy beach cruiser bikes! Instead of going up your crack. they embrace your cheeks. Who am kidding, I haven't had anything between my legs in so long a bike seat would feel like a god-send!

buddha_girl said...

This has got to be one of your best posts to date, woman!

I'm sorry your ass and bits feel like they're on the bad side of a gang rape. Bad mojo.

I have to wonder what they'd say if you brought in one of those comfy bike seats and a wrench to change the seats out for your class.

And Step Class? That's some hell. No thank you.

Lil Mouse said...

i hate those stupid bikes.

Lil Mouse said...

i hate those stupid bikes.

Kellie said...

HAHAHAHA!!! I'm sorry to laugh at the hot twat and tequila bender with a young stud, but damn girl....this is some funny crap!!

And now? I'm totally NOT taking a spinning class. I crossed off Step and the butt and gut classes because they all seemed like too much....well....too much damn work. And now the spinning class? Pfft. Screw that.

:)

I'm a Mom!..? said...

I told Poodlehead too. Invest in one of those padded seat covers. This helped me a lot when I was doing spin.