Life in the Fish Bowl

welcome

Thursday Thirteen #10 - Things That Really Piss Me Off



Thirteen Things That Really Piss Me Off

  1. People who speed up and then stay in the lane that is ending until the last moment and then flip you off when you won't let them merge. If you do this, you are an asshole. Poodlehead disagrees with me on this, but she is wrong (and possibly one of them).
  2. People who walk around the grocery store like they are the only ones there or like they are a damn Macy's parade float. Move your ass out of my way and don't even think about rolling your eyes at me. You probably are one of those who stay in the lane too long, too.
  3. Parents who bring their kids to MDO when they know good and well they are too sick to go out. I know you want some time away from your spawn, but why do you think that gives you the right to infect mine? May the bird flu take you out early on, before you get a chance to spread it to us.
  4. People who seem to be able to eat whatever they want and still be thin really, really piss me off. I don't think I even need to elaborate on this one.
  5. Whining. I can take crying. I can take screaming. I can take my three year old putting his hand on his hip and pretty much telling me to fuck off. But I abhor whining. It makes me want to pull my hair out, one strand at a time. Or buy a crack pipe. And adult whining? Please, pass that pipe.
  6. When we order pizza and hubby orders one I don't like at all, then proceeds to eat 3/4 of the one that I do like, therefore ensuring that he has a second one all to himself. This is the reason we don't order more than one pizza anymore. Plus our asses are too wide for pizza.
  7. All those damn W bumper stickers. Come on folks. After 7+ years of that asshole guy, haven't you caught on yet? Scratch that obscene shit off of your bumper/window, please.
  8. The fact that I live somewhere where I feel the need to take my Hillary sign out of my car window for fear of keying or slashed tires. I have to be subjected to the W stickers (see #7), but you can't tolerate my sign? Two words for you: Bite me, assholes. Ok, three words.
  9. That Dish Network, whom I normally love, isn't carrying Noggin 24/7 like every other cable/satellite provider on earth. Dish, why do you want to mess with me? How dare you deny me Dora at 11pm or the Franklin movie? When those W people get though biting me you need to take your turn.
  10. One of my cats won't clean her butt. Why, Pretty Girl, why? Why do you feel the need to subject me and mine to you endless dingleberries? Other cats lick their asses clean. Why are you too good to do the same? Just remember that when I have to shave your ass again.
  11. When I spend 45 minutes flat ironing my hair and then go out, only to discover 90% humidity and that my nice straight hair is now an afro. A curse on curly hair. A curse, I tell you.
  12. People who say they'd love to have curly hair. Especially when they say it on a #11 day. You only think you'd love it. With straight hair you have options. With curly hair, not so many.
  13. Having to come up with thirteen of these on Thursdays. I always seem to make it to 12 and then nothing. Isn't thirteen unlucky anyway? How about we do a Tuesday Twelve?

22 comments:

Jenny said...

Oh, how I can sympathize with numbers 11 & 12! You're so right, people always bring it up on the high humidity days!

suchsimplepleasures said...

i think i'm in love with you!!! you have read my mind...except, i happen to like my curly hair but...still...i think i might love you!!
awesome tt...
have a happy valentines day!

Neen said...

I don't feel so bad for thinking some of the exact same things now. Tank you for that.

Sarai said...

WOW we could almost be twins. Great list!
Sarai
http://www.saraij.blogspot.com
PS I am all for the Tuesday 12 very catchy

Junebug said...

Your list is so hilarious! I love the one about the grocery store float! Or somebody has their cart in one half of the aisle and their butt bent over in the other half. I try to make noise or clear my throat. Doesn't work sometimes. Oblivious.

Mommapeas said...

Oh my gosh... I've never seen this side of you. It's, it's... thrilling!

Laura said...

The float, the people in the wrong lane, the whining, the hair/humidity thing...yeah, I'm right there... Happy T-13!

Karina said...

Great list! Your number 2 is one of my top pet peeves...RUDE freakin' people shouldn't be allowed out in public! ;-)

Rachel said...

I agree with you on every damn one of those!!

anglophilefootballfanatic said...

#1 makes me realize how I can tolerate your slamming me in #s 7 & 8...member I've voted for him 4 times...and still love you in spite of the slam. And, I love that you say dingleberries! So do I!!! You know how I feel about 12. Dish is not doing the Noggin 24? SWITCH!! Switch right now to DirecTV. NOW.

janet said...

dingleberries? bwhahahahaha...

and i totally am with you on the hair thing. people only THINK they want curly hair. me? i wanted marcia brady's hair. long, straight and blond. instead, i have short, curly/frizzy and brown.

sigh. there ain't no justice.

Sandy said...

I love that you abhor whining. When my kids were little, the word "hate" was not allowed in my house. My 4 year old abhorred things and her older sister loathed, detested, despised, etc. They both have great negative vocabularies!

jennifer said...

I've started grocery shopping late at night just to avoid the parade float people. Assholes.

The Mama Bear said...

Ditto all of the above in your list!

Aline de Chevigny said...

LOL Love the list.

Aline

Tasina said...

100% behind you on #5. We tell our little guy that he has to "talk strong" instead of whine or we won't listen to him. I'd rather listen to a kid cuss a blue streak than whine. *shudder*

Jenni said...

Man, I would be on your bad side if you ever met me in the grocery store. Or if you ever saw the back of my truck. Or if you ever saw me eat. Or if I ever saw your gorgeous curly hair.

But I do clean my butt.

Bren said...

The cat one had me rolling!

Oh, and I'm right there with you on the curly hair! Sucks!

Serina Hope said...

Why Blue Momma ...you are as easily annoyed as me!!! Especilly # 1, 4, 13.. and the one about the Hillary sign.. I don't remember that #...

Joyismygoal said...

I finally gave in and fully embrace my curly hair

imadramamama said...

It's good to know that someone else out there has to shave their cat's poop matted ass...

And I am so sorry about Noggin...it has saved money a dinner time in this house.

nicholas said...

I agree with you on a lot of those! What's with those W stickers anyway? How stupid are they?