Thirteen Things That Really Piss Me Off
- People who speed up and then stay in the lane that is ending until the last moment and then flip you off when you won't let them merge. If you do this, you are an asshole. Poodlehead disagrees with me on this, but she is wrong (and possibly one of them).
- People who walk around the grocery store like they are the only ones there or like they are a damn Macy's parade float. Move your ass out of my way and don't even think about rolling your eyes at me. You probably are one of those who stay in the lane too long, too.
- Parents who bring their kids to MDO when they know good and well they are too sick to go out. I know you want some time away from your spawn, but why do you think that gives you the right to infect mine? May the bird flu take you out early on, before you get a chance to spread it to us.
- People who seem to be able to eat whatever they want and still be thin really, really piss me off. I don't think I even need to elaborate on this one.
- Whining. I can take crying. I can take screaming. I can take my three year old putting his hand on his hip and pretty much telling me to fuck off. But I abhor whining. It makes me want to pull my hair out, one strand at a time. Or buy a crack pipe. And adult whining? Please, pass that pipe.
- When we order pizza and hubby orders one I don't like at all, then proceeds to eat 3/4 of the one that I do like, therefore ensuring that he has a second one all to himself. This is the reason we don't order more than one pizza anymore. Plus our asses are too wide for pizza.
- All those damn W bumper stickers. Come on folks. After 7+ years of that
assholeguy, haven't you caught on yet? Scratch that obscene shit off of your bumper/window, please.
- The fact that I live somewhere where I feel the need to take my Hillary sign out of my car window for fear of keying or slashed tires. I have to be subjected to the W stickers (see #7), but you can't tolerate my sign? Two words for you: Bite me, assholes. Ok, three words.
- That Dish Network, whom I normally love, isn't carrying Noggin 24/7 like every other cable/satellite provider on earth. Dish, why do you want to mess with me? How dare you deny me Dora at 11pm or the Franklin movie? When those W people get though biting me you need to take your turn.
- One of my cats won't clean her butt. Why, Pretty Girl, why? Why do you feel the need to subject me and mine to you endless dingleberries? Other cats lick their asses clean. Why are you too good to do the same? Just remember that when I have to shave your ass again.
- When I spend 45 minutes flat ironing my hair and then go out, only to discover 90% humidity and that my nice straight hair is now an afro. A curse on curly hair. A curse, I tell you.
- People who say they'd love to have curly hair. Especially when they say it on a #11 day. You only think you'd love it. With straight hair you have options. With curly hair, not so many.
- Having to come up with thirteen of these on Thursdays. I always seem to make it to 12 and then nothing. Isn't thirteen unlucky anyway? How about we do a Tuesday Twelve?