Posted by Blue Momma / 9:34 AM /
I'm talking today off.
I'm sick. I'm pissed off. I'm sad. I'm angry. I'm the tiniest big negative. You couldn't tell?
I had to cancel a play group yesterday and a visit from my friend today because of this cold.
Then I talk to my husband and mother on the phone this morning and they both piss me off. Of course, that is the norm so it really shouldn't bother me. But it does.
I think I'm going to pull Punkin out of his MDO. I just don't like how things are going. I'm just not getting the warm fuzzies from them and that's something I want from somewhere I leave my child three days a week. And world? Don't mess with my kid. Seriously.
I am so tired of this seemingly never ending process of hope and then disappointment which has been my quest to get pregnant. I just can't do it much longer. I'm too old to begin with and I'm just too tired of it. It's not fair, it sucks, it is just bad. It is so depressing, the trying, the hoping the disappointment, the miscarriages. I just can't take much more.
I'm tired of worrying about money. Money to pay the bills, money for extras, money for infertility treatments. It sucks that we can't take more aggressive measures to get pregnant because we can't afford it and because the religious affiliation of my husbands employer causes them to not pay for ANY reproductive assistance.
Sorry to be such a whiner today, but I really don't have anyone else to whine to and sometimes you just need to let it out. It sucks to always be the one who is expected to be strong and to not let things bother them. I've been that person for 39 years. When do I get someone to cry to and to tell me that it will be OK? Cause it's really not fair that the only person who fills that need for me is my three year old.
I'm gonna go crawl back in bed and cry for a while.
Y'all have a good day.