Life in the Fish Bowl

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Terrible Tuesday


If you are here looking for a funny, lighthearted post you'd best go ahead and hit next blog now. No humor here today.

This morning I had to put one of my cats to sleep. It was very sudden and totally unexpected. I picked him up yesterday - he doesn't like to be picked up, so I don't do it often - and noticed he weighed way less than normal. I mean it was really noticeable.

He has always been a big fluffy cat and even with the weight loss still weighed 12 pounds when we weighed him at the vet this morning. But you could feel his backbone and before now I really wasn't sure he even had any bones!

This cat was my buddy. He didn't care much for anyone but me, which suited me just fine. He was a rescue and I believe he was probably abused at his first home. It took two years before he would come and sit in my lap. But he did love to be brushed! He soooo loved it.

Lately all of the cats have spent most of Punkin's waking hours in our room. He is a little terror these days and loves to chase the cats. The last time he got after Butterbean the poor cat nearly did a back flip trying to get away from him. And back flips aren't easy for a 20 pound cat.

Anyway, as soon as Punkin' was in bed out the cats come, crawling all over me wanting some love. After noticing Butterbean's problem I realized that he hasn't been to see me in the last few nights. Poor baby.

So I take him to the vet this morning and they do some test and come back and tell me he needs a blood transfusion and more tests, which today amount to $500 with much more to come. I am torn as now that we are a one income family these kind of expenses are harder to recover from. We decided to go with the less aggressive - and less expensive - steroid treatments, but at the last moment decided to do a test for feline leukemia.

It came back positive.

Butterbean has been tested multiple times for leukemia and has always been negative. I had a similar experience with another cat, so I shouldn't be surprised, but I still am. I hate fucking feline leukemia.

So we were at the point - and he was in the condition - that the only options was to put him down. I cried and cried and cried. I'm still crying. He was my baby before I had my real baby. I loved him dearly and he felt the same about me. I'm overcome with sadness and just feel like shit.

He was a great cat and I will miss him much. Bye, Bye Butterbean.

29 comments:

lisa's chaos said...

I'm so sorry about Butterbean. It really feels terrible to lose your beloved. :( The pain will lessen in time but you'll never forget or stop loving him. I always feel inept at times like these.

I'm a Mom!..? said...

I'm so sorry, I'm crying with you, right now. We had our beloved Kitty put to sleep when I was pregnant with the Munchkin, I haven't been able to bring myself to get another pet....

Big Hugs!!!

Kimberly said...

Your poor hurting heart! ~big hugs~

Jennifer aka Binky Bitch said...

I'm so sorry! Hugs to you.

Mama Pajama said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I remember vividly what it was like to put two childhood dogs down...and the pain is still there after all these years. I dread the day we lose Buster, our Westie. I am so sad for you!! Thanks for sharing the pictures of Butterbean with us.

Kellie said...

Awww...I'm sorry. I had a childhood dog that we had to put down and it was AWFUL!! I now have an 11 year old Lab and he's showing signs of stuff happening. Scares me.

As hard as it is, you did the right thing. Butterbean won't suffer.

Big hugs!!

impworks said...

Butterbean looks like a wonderful cat. So sorry he isn't there to be part of your life anymore.

Willowtree said...

My sincere condolences, this is a tough time. At least you can take comfort in knowing that you did not only the responsible thing, but the right thing.

Jennifer said...

I am so sorry for your loss. My dad lost three cats in rapid succession to feline leukemia and now he is afraid to get another one. Make sure you get the other cats tested.

meeyauw said...

You have brought tears to my eyes; I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you can find comfort in the companionship of the others.

Serina Hope said...

I am very sorry to hear that. I have also lost a cat to feline lukemia. Butterbean was gorgeous.

Sarah @ Ordinary Days said...

So sorry.

Sarah @ Ordinary Days said...

So sorry.

buddha_girl said...

*hard hugs*

Oh Blue, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss of Butterbean. I know some people don't consider pets family members. Screw those idiots.

I'm sure your words and gentle touches comforted Butterbean. I wish I could make this better for you.

If you need something, let me know.

Gloria said...

I'm sorry about Butterbean. I'm not good in consoling words but I do hope you'll be ok. Losing a pet is hard, I know. Been there, felt that. Twice. With dogs. :(

Expat Mom said...

I´m so sorry. It´s so hard to lose your furry baby, I lost mine too (Niko, a German Shepherd).

ChrisB said...

I'm so sorry to hear you have lost Butterbean. I still remember the sorrow and pain when I had to have my beloved dog put down 14 years ago.

JaniceNW said...

I am so sorry about your cat!

Blue Momma said...

I just want to thank all of you who have left such nice comments about Butterbean.

It does help. Thanks so much!

M said...

Oh my heart broke reading this post. I am so so sorry for your loss. What a beautiful cat and what a beautiful tribute! Many hugs.

ohio blue eyes said...

oh I am so sorry for your butterbean! what a beautiful kitty he was!

Jessica said...

I am so sorry for your loss--I have a cat who was my baby before I had babies, too. I don't know what I would do without her...

Butterbean was such a gorgeous cat. You'll be in my thoughts!

Catwoman said...

I'm crying with you too. This brought back all the pain of losing my hubby's lab a year ago. We hurt so bad at the time, because like you, it was so sudden and he had bone cancer. And it devastated us. And this was the third pet I put to sleep and I asked the vet right before we did it "does it ever get easier to do this?" and he said to me "not if you love animals." And I guess that's what I took away from it. I know it's cheesy but better to love and have lost than never have loved at all, right?

I rushed out to the shelter after losing Chief and ended up bringing home Satan's Dog. It wasn't to replace Chief, it was just we needed someone to love, someone to make us laugh again, someone to make us believe it was ok to love again.

I'm not going to suggest that you run out and get a kitten, because I know not everyone can heal like that.

I'm so sorry for you loss and pain. And if you want to pour your heart out for hours on end about Butterbean, feel free to email. I understand.

Rachel said...

I am so sorry. I know how hard that decision must have been. I cried and cried and cried when I had to put my first dog down. Sounds like Butterbean had a good like though!

Jennie said...

I am so sorry. What a beautiful, loved cat.

it's me, Val said...

I'm crying too!!! I am so sorry. Truly sorry. What a beautiful tribute to Butterbean. What a beauty he was. God bless him. God bless you. (((hugs)))

Not Afraid to Use It said...

I have so been there with you. On too many occasions to count. I know how you feel, and I am really really sorry. I still feel the loss and guilt over having to put down my cats, and it has been years. We actually just lost a family cat that we had had for 20 years last week. My mom and dad were going to have to put him down the next day because he was suffering so much, but he died in his sleep that night.

It is never easy, but know that we are sending you hugs. It won't make the pain go away, but he knows that he was loved.

Devilish Southern Belle said...

I am so sorry! Butterbean was a beautiful kitty.

Jo Beaufoix said...

That is just so sad.

He looks like he was a star.

We lost our old moggy a little while ago and it is hard, but at least he was yours and he had lots of love.