Life in the Fish Bowl


Hi, HO, Hi, HO, It's Back to the Pool We Go

Today is the first day of school! Yipeeeee! I guess I really shouldn't care, as I have no school aged children. I am being totally selfish in my glee that the little monsters darlings are once again sitting in their cages desks, toiling away at their studies. The thing is, I just really don't care for kids.

I love, love, love my own child and I find that, since having him, I definitely really like other children that I meet. That I meet. Ok, maybe I like all babies, even if I haven't been formally introduced. This must be the result of some hormonal change brought on by pregnancy because prior to it I didn't like any kind of kids. Young, old (old kid? it's all relative, you smart ass), known, unknown. They all annoyed me. But now.....

Maybe I should qualify my dislike. I don't think it's actually the kids, well not all of the kids, but kids with "the attitude". You know the "I'm sooo cool, my shit doesn't stink, I can do what I want, you're not my Mom" attitude. I'm sure I had some of it at that age, but damn, these kids are annoying. They ride around our subdivision on golf carts. Shouldn't you need a license for any motorized vehicle you plan to drive on a paved road? Or into someone else's yard? They don't move out of the way when you come by. They look at you like you are the one in the way.

They splash my kid at the pool. By accident, of course. The minute you aren't looking they appropriate his toys as their own. Now if they are so damn grown up, why the hell do they need to play with my two year olds balls? (Now that just didn't sound right, did it?!?!?) Then they get all pissy when you ask for the toys back. How dare you address them?

They play with their footballs, their baseballs, hell, with their own balls, in the street and are sooo annoyed when they have to move to make way for your car, if they bother to move at all. How dare I want to drive to my house? And we do not live in the inner city where no one has yards. These kids have yards, back and front, that they could play in.

I think the problem is that their parents must not like them anymore than I do. They send them outside with the keys to the cart and tell them to come back at dinner time. They run wild, they terrorize toddlers and motorists. They make out while driving their carts in and out of other peoples yards. They are annoying pains in the ass and they are out of their parents hair for the day.

Anyway, the little monsters are back at school, so me and my little monster will be headed to the pool most every morning until it closes. We'll play with our own balls (hehe, you said balls) and splash each other and have all kinds of mommy/baby fun without unruly, annoying, horny adolescent disapproval tossed our way.

We're on our way there now. Wanna join us?

*Oh, and before I start getting flamed for this post, of course, I didn't mean your kids! Your kids are great!!!!


M said...

A: Why the hell is school back already? Ours don't start until the week after labor day. SOMETIMES the week before.

B: Totally hate other peoples kids too. Except for a few. Like my nieces, nephew, and friends kids. And even some of those kids I hate.

C: So hooray to school back! I cannot wait until the monsters in my apartment complex go back to school. i'm tired of 8am hooping and hollaring of rotten kids whose parents don't care that at 8am I may be awake but I sure hate their kids. Same goes with 8am hooping an dhollaring. At least when school starts they stfu for a few hours!

I'm a Mom!..? said...

Amen Sister!! I've been having to hide inside during the day to avoid the neighbor kids that want to come and play with the Munchkin, and by play a I mean pick her up and drop her and try rolling her and her wagon into the street!!! Back to school you go little terrors!

Mommapeas said...

Hooray! Now I can venture into ChuckE's without getting ran over, go to the mall and not have to dodge feral children and hmmm.. well I guess that's it.

So glad you liked the book. I cried. Isn't that insane. Anyway, we should discuss sometime over coffee! Maybe when MDO starts???

Jennifer said...

I have school age children and I supervise them at the pool. I can't stand it when people use the pool as a giant playpen and let their kids run amok while they leer at the lifeguards or talk to the other mommies. Just remember, the kids aren't the monsters, it's the parents who don't supervise them that are to blame!