Life in the Fish Bowl


To Hug or not to Hug, That is the Question

I was an only child until I was seven. Lots of hugs and lots of attention. Seven years was long enough to learn that I liked it and to miss it when went it was over.

After seven years my sister was born and she became an only child and I the other child. The result was not so many hugs and not so much attention. This made me who I am today and I like who I am, but it also sucked ass. It also made me not one to show affection casually. I'm not likely to give you a big hug when I see you, even if I'm so happy butterflies and sunshine are flying out my ass.

Things were different when I met my husband. He and I were very affectionate with each other, both publicly and privately. I always thought when - if - we had a child I would show it all of the love and affection that I felt I had missed after I became the other child.

And I do. My Punkin' is showered, maybe drowned, with love everyday. He is hugged, kissed, and told he is loved more times a day that I can even count. Some might call this excess, but I say you can't feel too loved.

Needless to say, he is a very affectionate child. If he likes you he will hug you. And he likes everyone. He must tell me he loves me a hundred times a day. Excuse me, lubs me, a hundred times a day. Multiple hugs come with each proclamation, too. As he gets older he seems even more affectionate.

Now obviously, especially if you've read my prior posts, my Punkin' is a boy. Some people don't think boys should show affection publicly. I disagree. Give me a break, folks, he is 2 years old.

Case in point. His cousin is 2 years older. He does not appreciate the constant need of my child to hug him and to tell him he lubs him. Now this is fine. Whatever.

But it was suggested to me that I should tell my son, my sweet little bundle of love son, to stop hugging people. He was a boy and was getting older. His cousin was told this at what I guess was about the same age. You know, man up kid. Come on, kid, your nearly three. Stop the sissy hugging.

I say more power to my Punkin'. I want to raise a son who isn't afraid to show others he cares for them. There are a lot of things I would want to discourage in a child, but hugging isn't one of them. If he gets beat up for giving a hug, well, we'll just beat the shit out of the parents of the little prick deal with it then. We've already told him that everyone doesn't like to get hugs, no matter how wonderful the hugs are.

Of course, he pays as much attention to this as he does when I tell him to turn off Barney, or stop pulling on his pecker, or to poop in the potty. But, again, he's two. I choose to not intentionally raise one of these Neanderthal southern men who would sooner hug a tree trunk or cry over a missed deer than show true human emotion for another human being. If that makes him a sissy or me a dumb ass, so be it. Just call me Dumb Ass, raiser of sissies.

So Internet, am I alone in my desire? I'm not looking for him to wear pink panties under Batman pajamas, just to be a little boy, and one day a man, who is comfortable enough with himself to express his emotions and to be an understanding friend, relative and partner to the people in his life.

I guess if he decides to wear the pink panties, that will be another post ..... and I'll love him just the same.


Mommapeas said...

I wish people would give children a break and stop worrying about forcing "gender roles" on them - especially at two! He can hug us anytime and we'd welcome it!

Catwoman said...

Seriously! Boys aren't allowed to hug? I didn't know this.

My son kisses us on the lips. He's almost two. He's kissed two of his guy friends, who are 5 months younger and 7 months older in front of me on the lips. I don't even think it's a big deal. At some point, we'll tell him that you shouldn't kiss other people besides mommy and daddy on the lips.

But the hugging? We're not putting an end to that. Why would we??? And good for you for scoffing at the ones who think a two year old's hugs are innappropriate! Sad world those people must live in!

Serina Hope said...

Super Z gets in all kinds of trouble because he is so affectionate. One 6 year old neighbor boy told him that he hated him because Z hugged him. WTF?