Life in the Fish Bowl

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Newton Discovered Gravity, Galileo Discovered the Laws of Motion and Relativity and ....


My son has discovered his penis.

He has never paid it much attention before. It was always bundled up in a diaper or had to compete with rubber animals and foam letters in the bathtub (I mean nothing, however grand, can compare with a rubber duckie, right?). We were never much for letting him roam around naked as he could probably hit the side of the Sears Tower if he knew which way to aim (not that he aims much, but you get the picture), so sitting on the toilet for hours at a time with it just hanging around is new for him.

We are currently deep in the throes of potty training. I've spent most of the day sitting in the bathroom floor, my ass killing me, begging for poopie.

Yes, I said it. Begging. For. Poopie.

At one point I went through my whole PG-13 feces repertoire. I asked for poopie, crap, doo doo, stinky, dookie - I even asked for a good smelly poot, just to let me know we were making progress.

All I got was the smelly poot. But I digress. This post is about the joy of discovery.

So he has discovered Mr. Happy. He has pulled on it, twisted it, squeezed it. For some reason I am reminded of the rule Mrs. Hassell taught us about prepositions in 9th grade English. It was a preposition if you could do it to a hole (I know, this could be another post in itself!): in the hole, on the hole, around the hole, by the hole, etc, etc. You name it that little bugger has done it to his pecker today!

Funniest thing, I guess, is him pulling on it and saying "Bigger! Bigger!" Now he is 2 1/2, but how many grown men do you know that do the same thing???

And some with about the same result as my Punkin'.

I'm trying to think on the positive side, though, and I've come up with a few plus' to these developments:
  • it doesn't take batteries
  • no batteries means I don't have to hunt for the little tiny screwdriver to remove the battery cover
  • it is free (well, $100 deductible from my c-section)
  • it won't wear out if he plays with it too much
  • don't have to worry about losing it or to remember to pack it if we travel
  • is dual function, work and play
  • don't have to worry about someone taking it away from him at a playgroup
  • no Moms will roll their eyes when he doesn't offer to share

Note to self: Learn how to put parental controls on the pay-per-view channels

1 comments:

Serina Hope said...

LMAO. Watch out for the soap irritation. Apparently that is a problem with these bad boys.