Life in the Fish Bowl


The ones we lose....

I was just reading a blog (Hi, my name is Christi and I'm a blogaholic) of a mother who lost a child and I am so overcome with sadness I can hardly move. I had a miscarriage in October and if I hadn't I would have been due on May 17, just a little over a month away. When it happened I cried and cried and felt really sorry for myself. I felt better after a few weeks, but sometimes I read something or see something and it just all comes back to me.

My little Aidan is seeing me cry and said "It'll be alright, Honey" ( I'm assuming he picked the "Honey" up at his MDO) and telling me he is sorry and that it will be ok, stop crying. He thinks that he did something wrong.

He didn't. But his sweetness just reminds me of what I was denied by the miscarriage - another sweet baby to love. I know this sadness will pass just as it did before, but it never goes completely away and the void can't be filled, even by ten more children. I will always wonder who he or she would have been, what they would have brought to the world and to my family and think of how happy I would have been to be his/her mother. I'm sad that it is looking like Aidan will never have a brother or sister. I'm just sad.

I will always miss the one I lost....


Serina Hope said...

I just wanted you to know that I was going back reading all of your older posts and I came across this. I am so sorry for your loss. My Mom had a miscarriage right before me and she never got over it. She calls that first baby her angel.
I hope you get another baby soon. i think you are an awesome Mom. {{{{{{{you}}}}}}} Hugs